Morning routines when your children are night owls

why do you wake up the time you wake up

Duh. Because I have to. 

That would be my initial response! 

Getting the kids ready, finding time for a quick breakfast, rushing out of the house. 

What’s there to get curious about? 

Unless… I remember myself as a teenager. And maybe this is something to talk about with your preteen or teen as well. 

My alarm clock went off at about 6:15 AM. I turned it off, went straight back to sleep. A few minutes later my dad would come in, wake me up again, go to the bathroom – and then wake me up AGAIN to tell me I could use the bathroom now. That was around 6:30. Every single morning for quite a few years. 

And I? Still didn’t get up. 

My whole body just wanted to sink into the mattress, soaking in every second of the duvet’s warm embrace. 

I stared at the alarm clock. 

6:35. 

6.40. 

6.45

6.50. 

6.52. 

6.53

6.55

6.56. 

Damnit! I have to leave the house in less than ten minutes! 

Why can’t I get up earlier for once!? 

Jumped out of bed and into my clothes. Washed quickly, brushed my teeth, combed my hair. Grabbed my bag, ran downstairs into the dining room. 

There I very quickly ate a slice of bread with strawberry jam, stuffed my lunch box into my school bag, put on shoes and jacket. 

And was ready to leave at 7.05 AM. Together with my dad who had the keys to the shed where my bike was. 

All good, right? 

Except if you ask my dad, the story would probably go a little different. 

He was extremely annoyed by me ignoring his attempts to wake me up. 

Which I didn’t know until this ritual abruptly ended one day when my dad angrily proclaimed that from this day on he wouldn’t wake me up anymore as I was so disrespectful each and every morning. 

I was thunderstruck. 

And heartbroken. I had taken my dad waking me up for granted. 

He had taken my teenage tiredness in the morning personally (and it really had nothing to do with him whatsoever that I had such a hard time getting up in the morning). And there was nothing I could do to change his mind. 

He never asked once why I got up the time I got up. 

And that leads me to two conclusions. 

1. as a mum, when do I assume my kids are disrespectful when it’s something completely else underneath? Do I need to ask more and assume less, i.e. be more curious? My children are still small, so it’s a different story. They get a sense of safety from us parents showing them the rules. But today for example my daughter seems so disrespectful. And yes, I had to teach her how to act respectfully. But I also know that she doesn’t act that way to annoy me. This isn’t personal. It’s something deeper within her and usually we find out what it is. To me, that’s a “both…and” moment. I can hold my boundaries to protect my nervous system AND understand where her behaviour is coming from. 
2. How grateful i am that my husband is relaxed about my difficulties getting up in the morning. (Because: nothing has changed in that respect. Of course, I need to allow for more than ten minutes between getting out of bed and getting out of the house. But my tendency to stay tucked in for as long as possible hasn’t changed at all. 

Currently, I get up between 6:15 (rarely) and 6:45 (sometimes), mostly it’s 6:30. We actually have to leave the house at 7 AM at the moment but we usually walk through the door by 7:05. 

The reasons why we stay in bed longer than we should are manifold. 

1. because of a change in routines, we need to get up almost an got earlier than a month ago. We haven’t fully adjusted yet
2. We love to cuddle in the morning. (And I’m so sad that there’s hardly enough time for it anymore because i have to be the one rushing everyone). 
3. My son still doesn’t sleep through the night, so I usually only get 1 – 2 hour stretches of sleep. -> I’m exhausted by the time the sun rises. 
4. I’m a (tired) night owl. I thought you could retrain your system more easily. But even after years of being a parent, I’m but not at the point of being used to getting up early. Falling asleep at 8 PM? Not a problem anymore. Getting up before seven? Hard work! 

Conclusion:

In my attempt to reuse Billy’s prompts to find sources for curiosity – to spark it in your children (either by offering them thoughts, questions, activities) or by rekindling your own and showing them by example, this one has been very interesting for personal reasons. And I really wonder if could be used as a question to talk about with (older) children. 

They’ve probably always just accepted the status quo. 

But who knows, maybe the end result is realising that we have more power to change an uncomfortable situation than we think… 

Maybe we can get up 5 minutes later and prepare posts of the breakfast the night before. Or we realise that we’re tired at night and feel better the next morning, so go to bed earlier.